It is with a humble heart I introduce myself to you. It is important to know that I am neither a theological nor psychological expert, but am soon to have Master's degrees in both fields. Instead of expert, I am partner, sojourner, and wrestler of the multifaceted intersection of theology and psychology through the lens of miscarriage. This project was essentially conceived at the birth of our 14-week old fetus in 2012. I entered a deep dark season of postpartum depression and became stuck. Intellectualizing as a way of numbing my personal pain, I began researching; and down the rabbit hole I went. At that time, I was working toward my degree in Theology which fed my soul as well as my intellectual fervor to desperately cope with my grief. I entered a barren time, obsessing that I could not fulfill humanity's commandment to 'be fruitful and multiply.' But a little light was still glowing despite my darkness. There had to be more to my grief and depression. There just had to be. And then one day it became clear to me what that light was. The only light holding on so strong, pushing against the pure darkness, was my supporters; my partners; my advocates. In the silence, it was their voices I heard. In the darkness, it was their light I saw. And slowly, thanks to their love, I journeyed through the depths of my grief and learned to make room for the grief a bit off to the side so I could gain a more healthy perspective of life. Many people showed me their love and support, but the two in particular whose light shone the brightest was my midwife Heather Parr and my husband John Lee. They didn't say many words in those long month postpartum, but what they did was more valuable than words. They were present. Read that again. They were present. They sat with me in the silence of the evening. Heather Parr sat with us for what seemed to be 4 hours in the Emergency Room. Her comforting presence changed my life. My husband sat with me for over one year until I found a new balance and a new identity. His selfless love and devotion conquered my darkest days and propelled me to have the courage to start this project.

Our daughter, Penelope, was born in 2015 with laughter and tears after an amazing un-medicated delivery with the midwives. She is our delight and we try not to smother her too much (more on attachment after a loss in another post). Since her birth, I have had three early miscarriages. We stopped telling our friends and family of the losses because we were sick of sharing the bad news. So for the most part, we have kept these to our self. Each family grieves in their own way and their grief can be different for each loss as well. And that's okay.

Thank you for visiting The Blog. I hope these posts are life-giving to you.